Who I Want to Be
by SomeKindofAuthor
Summary: From the window of his dad's office, Ari can see Max, his dad's pride and joy, and werewolves the coolest thing he's seen in his four years. And even if he can't be as smart as Max, he hopes one day he can be as fast as the wolves.


**Summary:** From the window of his dad's office, Ari can see Max, his dad's pride and joy and werewolves the coolest thing he's seen in his four years. And even if he can't be as smart as Max, he hopes one day he can be as fast as the wolves.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own these characters, nor do I own anything in the excerpt from The Angel Experiment.

**Who I Want to Be**

"What a beautiful picture, Ari." Miss Katie, Ari's favorite Pre-K helper, leaned over his shoulder. Her brown hair fell onto his picture, but he brushed it away with only slight annoyance, focused intently on his drawing. Hmm. Maybe blue next. "What is it? A beaver?"

"No!" Ari was shocked. Couldn't she tell? He cocked his head, but his picture still seemed crystal clear to him. "It's _Wolverine_! Like X-Men. He moves real fast, and everybody loves him even though they pretend not to."

Miss Katie put her hand on Ari's shoulder and squeezed. "It's a pretty picture, Ari, but unfortunately that's not the scheduled activity. We're supposed to be solving the math problems."

Ari's grip on his crayon tightened. He squeezed his eyes closed. "It's too hard," he mumbled.

"Ari..." Miss Katie started to rub his back, but Ari pushed her away.

"I don't get it." Other kids started looking up from their math problems, whispering: What's the weird blonde kid doing _now_? "I want to _draw."_

"Ari, settle down."

"It's too _hard_," he tried to explain, but Miss Katie was already walking away, probably to get the teacher, Mrs. Davis, to decide what to do with him. Ari _hated_ Mrs. Davis. She said a bunch of things that he didn't understand, but expected him to understand, and then took away snacks and recess when he asked her to please not talk, it hurt his head. She was the one who made all the kids do a page of math problems even though Ari hadn't known what to do past counting to twenty.

He wasn't smart enough for her, and he didn't care enough for her.

As Mrs. Davis walked over to him, he wished he could run away, but the heavy hand descended on him and clenched his shoulder. He couldn't escape. He just wasn't fast enough.

"They're absolutely _brilliant, _Gilmore."

Jeb Batchelder paced back and forth across the kitchen. He looked into the cupboard, discovered there was nothing but a year-old package of Cheez-Its, and frowned.

"The littlest one has learned mathematical basics in _hours, _it's _phenomenal_…"

Jeb opened the fridge, sniffed, gagged, and hastened to shut the door.

"Yes. We're still working on the conclusion concerning the control elements of the lupine genes for the newest experiments. We want to have it to you by August… Monday? But that—Yes. Okay."

Jeb took one last longing look at the empty cupboard before beckoning to his kid. "Ari, we've got to go to the School. Maybe we can pick up some McDonalds on the way."

Ari stared at Max through the window in his dad's office that revealed the testing room. Her light hair was folded into a braid that she played with. A scientist bombarded her with questions, and she answered flatly, more interested in her braid than whatever the grown up was saying. Still, she got every question right.

Ari's heart lodged in his throat.

"Daddy, I want to be smart."

"You are smart, Ari," Jeb said absentmindedly. He scribbled something in illegible scientist scrawl onto a notepad. Another peek into the microscope. A frown. A raised eyebrow. Some more scribbles.

"Like Max," Ari continued. "I want to be smart like Max."

Ari noticed the other window on his right. This window was tinted much darker and raised much higher, so Ari had to stand on his tippy-toes and squint in order to see what was through there. Even _then_ it was hard to make out the blurry figures that dashed back and forth. A man in a white coat stood near the door on the far side of the room, a clipboard in his hand. He beckoned behind him, and another man walked in with a cage. Before two seconds passed, one of the blurs tackled the cage. When the blur stopped and the figure finally came into focus, Ari's eyes widened. A wolf. A huge wolf with spit dripping from its knife-like teeth, the danger in its razor-sharp claws scaring Ari a little. And Ari about weed himself when that wolf transformed into a man.

_No. Way._

Ari turned back to his dad, his small index finger jabbing at the window, his mouth hanging open.

"And I want to look like _them_. Werewolves. Tough! And _fast_. I want to be fast."

"Ari, hands off the glass, you'll smudge it."

Ari ignored his dad. Jeb wasn't looking at Ari anyway. "Can you make me like them, Daddy? You made Max."

Jeb dropped his pen mid bacterium description. "Where did you hear that?"

"You. You said she was really strong. Just the way you made her."

"Oh. I see." Jeb sighed, and returned to his work and his usual approach to his four-year-old's comments. Minimal response required. "Ari, I can't make you that way."

Ari frowned and turned back to the window. His hands pressed on the sill so that he could bring himself higher, but the werewolves were men now, and that was much less exciting. "Why not?"

"Science doesn't work that way. Not yet."

"Someday?" Two whitecoats threw a couple of raw steaks into the room. The werewolves-as-humans studied the meat before changing into wolves and diving toward their dinner. Ari grinned.

"Yes, Ari. Someday I'll be able to turn you into a werewolf. Now, please be quiet so I can finish this." Ari was unable to discern the sarcasm in Jeb's voice. He heard 'yes', and then his heart began beating too loudly in anticipation to hear anything else.

Ari went back to looking at the wolf-men in action. They were playing with a kid now. He was blue. The werewolves danced around him, too fast for Ari to keep track of, so he got a little dizzy and had to close his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, the blue kid was gone. A scientist exited the room carrying a lumpy white trash bag.

If Ari were fast, Ari could play with them.

"I want to be fast," Ari said softly enough that he wouldn't bother his dad. He bet the werewolves could run away from anything. He imagined the freedom to be so quick that he was only a blur, leaving behind Mrs. Davis, maybe stopping to say Hi to Miss Katie, but _definitely_ backing dust onto all of those kids at his Pre-K who thought he couldn't hear them when they called him a freak.

Not only that, but those guys _had_ to be strong. As strong as Wolverine, Ari figured. Maybe stronger. As strong as Max. Maybe even stronger. And if Ari could never be as _smart_ as Max, with his wolf legs pumping he could definitely outrun her. He could fight her and he could win and his dad wouldn't be able to ignore _that_, his dad couldn't possibly ignore _that_.

"Someday?" Ari asked, his voice near panic. He needed to hear his dad say it again, so he could be sure that one day he would be _better_.

"Someday, Ari."

* * *

_3 years later, from The Angel Experiment:_

"Ari!" she said. "You were just a little kid."

He smiled, flexing his clawed hands. "And now I'm a great big grown-up Eraser," he said. He snapped his teeth together playfully, making strong clicking sounds. "And you're a little brown piglet. Yum."

"What did they do to you?" Nudge asked quietly. "I'm sorry, Ari."

He frowned, his hairy brow lowering. "Save your pity for yourself. I'm exactly who I want to be."

**A/N: Yeppers, more Ari and his screwed up life. Honestly, I wish JP would make a spin-off, detailing exactly what did happen to Ari Batchelder. It's got to be more interesting than the ups and downs of Max's love life and the out-of-character mess that was FANG. And then maybe I'd make peace with what happened to him.**

**Long live Ari,**

**SKoA**


End file.
